Peace of My Heart

An encouraging voice to drown out the noise

~Don’t be a Swinging Door~ April 1, 2014

We recently completed a six week study of the Song of Solomon during our Sunday morning services.  It was a powerful string of messages that elaborated on the many facets of the “Love Story,” as our pastor adequately titled the sermon series.

The final message was on lasting love.  Isn’t that what we all desire, a love that withstands the test of time and all the junk that comes with it?  Ladies, don’t you crave a relationship that uplifts, nourishes and endures?  I would venture to say that not one of us would choose to be the other half of a twosome that tears down, destroys and falls to pieces at the first sign of fleeting bliss.

One little statement was like a clanging gong in my ears and that is what I would like to elaborate on today:

  • Girls, don’t be a swinging door.

I have not shared very much of my past because it’s under the blood.  However, I do feel that sharing of oneself opens the door for others to see what a hot mess you used to be before Jesus and see that there is hope when they look at where you are now, after Jesus.

So here goes nothing.

I was not a wholesome young lady.  My daddy issues made me think that I had to do whatever, whenever to get and keep a man.  After all, when your own daddy doesn’t want you, there must be something crazy wrong with you, right?  I wasn’t a one-night-stand girl, but I did engage in premarital sex with men that I was involved with.  It still hurts a bit to say that, but again, I’ve been forgiven and redeemed so go ahead and throw your stones if you must, they won’t break this glass.

The day that I finally realized I had it all wrong was when I became involved with my now husband.  He opened my eyes to what it’s like to truly be loved and valued for who I was, not by what I could do for him.  I no longer felt like I had to lower my standards and discard my morals in order to make him want to stay.  It was a condition-less love, what I had always longed to find.

So when pastor shared this Scripture from Solomon, I teared up just a little:

“What will we do for our sister if someone asks to marry her?  If she is a virgin, like a wall, we will protect her with a silver tower.  But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door, we will block her door with a cedar bar.” (8-9)

This is the young woman’s brothers speaking on her behalf, ready to protect their baby sister’s virtue, if you will.  I couldn’t necessarily relate to the protective older brother, but it made me think of Jamie and how he was man enough to say, “I love you enough to stop you from compromising your worth to satisfy a lustful desire.”  I really hit the jackpot with him.

The problem with today’s young people is the lack of people in their lives teaching them the importance of saving the intimacy for when they are mature, self-confident & married!  When you allow yourself to become one with someone, you are giving away a part of yourself that you will never get back, not ever.  Young people who are feeling the pressure of what this generation claims to be acceptable, take it from someone who did it all wrong, having sex or even other acts of intimacy before you are joined in marriage is damning.  It will mess with your mind, your heart and your very soul for a long, long time.  Girls, you are not junk, you deserve better than to be with one guy this week and cramming your tongue down the throat of another the next, (that’s right, I went there).  If he won’t “date” you without that stipulation, trust me when I say, he isn’t worth the waste of your breath.  Kids now are more sexually charged than I can even understand.  Middle-schoolers are making out in school and having sex….OMG!!!  I really could stroke out just typing those words.  Why do you suppose it is that 12 & 13 year old BABIES are giving away something they should treasure?  My theory, no one has told them what they are worth.  Their self-esteem is based on the opinions of others as opposed to a confidence that comes from within.  No one has made them feel that they are priceless and worthy and should be treated as such.  So in closing, please, allow me….

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  There is no one who is just like you.  You are so loved by the Lord, that He knows the number of hairs on your head and He sings over you while you sleep.  You are more precious than the most valuable of jewels and your beauty is flawless.  You possess a greatness that isn’t hinged on what someone else says of you.  You are treasured, you are loved and you are priceless.  Stop letting others decrease your worth by using you for what you have to offer them.  Protect your moral integrity and respect yourself.  Don’t lower your standards, set the bar high and the ones who deserve your attention will rise up to meet them.  You are in fact royalty, don’t you think it’s about time you started acting like it?value


10 Responses to “~Don’t be a Swinging Door~”

  1. Jennifer Miller Says:

    I love you Valerie! You words are very heartfelt & so uplifting & encouraging & necessary for the young girls who need to hear them before they make the same choices! I will certainly be sharing this post! You are so brave & so humble to share your life up close & personal! How wonderful you are letting God work thru you in this way! We all learn my mistakes & I must say I have made a few that I am not proud of myself in this life, but continue to know that God grants us forgiveness & grace & loves us unconditionally if we set out heart & mind on loving Him & living by his word & turn from our evil ways by repenting, asking for forgiveness & trusting in Him! God is Good! By sharing this, if you make a difference in only one life, it will be a huge success! But I pray that ALL YOUNG WOMEN & (YOUNG MEN even) who read this will realize that God has a plan they need to follow! & their own ways (worldly ways) are tempting, but they are worth way more than that & will be rewarded a million times over by staying the course, having a huge sense of self worth that no one should be able to tare down by keeping their trust in God & waiting on God’s true gifts!

    • I love you too, Jenn! You must truly know by now that all that I share of myself is for God and His glory but I sincerely thank you for your words of love and encouragement. This one was tough, very personal and I know it opens me up to criticism. Again, the hurt I see these kids inflicting on themselves through the pressure to be sexual at such a young age is what ultimately drove me to write this post. I share in your prayer for young eyes and ears to be open to the truth so that our kids won’t be faced with the same demons we had to battle. There is a lot to be said for a strong sense of self…that is what I desire for our young people!

  2. blmaluso Says:

    Wow…I am sitting here crying. And I have been married for 36 years today, so it’s been a long time since I felt the way you described..not understanding my worth and the power and purity of true love. I thank God every day for sending my husband to me. We had a lot of growing to do, and God taught us together:-)

    The deep, sometimes hidden, feelings of dirtiness and degradation that accompany promiscuous and casual sex, (also brought on by rape and/or incest) are so far reaching into our souls. Both men and women. All we need to do is open our hearts to the love and mercy of our Lord and he will make us aware of the beauty within.

    Your last paragraph is so joy filled and inspiring! Thank you.

    • Thank you for sharing your feelings. The guilt and shame are difficult to overcome, but even that is not too big for God. Being receptive to His forgiveness combined with the love of my man has truly transformed my life. I only hope that other young people won’t fall into the same traps and misconceptions that I once did. Let the younger learn from our stories of restoration! Blessings to you!

  3. Jennifer Says:

    I am so blessed to have stumbled upon and “met” you here in the grandiose blogosphere. What a pleasure to be trusted with your story, and it is a story I understand and can relate to, as you can imagine. Thank you for sharing! You put this so well.

    You are precious in His sight…and to those who “get you.” You know who those people are, of course. The rest are (like I mention on my page) not part of “the ones who matter.” You are a beautiful story of the many that tell of His glorious redemption. To Him be the glory. ❤

    • I agree, Jennifer! I don’t many places where I have been able to connect with people of like minds and backgrounds like I have through this blog. I am thankful for the ones who get me and even for the ones who don’t, because I can learn & grow from both acceptance & criticism.
      I consider it a gift to be able to share my story so that others can see the grace that God has shown me. Forgiveness is available to all and my prayer is that my redemption song will help lead others to theirs!
      Hugs and love to you & thank you for sharing your heart in your blog as well!

  4. We. Are. So. Much. Alike.

    In how we think. Talk. Live for Jesus, radically!

    This is a wonderfully inspiring post to the young people. Your willingness to share will glorify The Lord.

    Let me share this…
    I wrote a good while back.

    Sound familiar?

    • Yep, we are Heather. So much to be learned from one another and that is evident with our ability to connect without having ever met! I have read this post before but will be looking over again. Blessings sweet lady!

  5. Julia Tomiak Says:

    I am applauding and wiping away tears. I’m so inspired by your willingness to share your vulnerabilities to help others. You are a beautiful woman, inside and out, and such a good role model for young people. I hear so much about the physical consequences of sex, but not enough about the spiritual and emotional ones. Perhaps if we keep talking about this, our children, boys and girls, will hear us and take our advice seriously. Well done.

    • Julia, you really are too kind! I know that for myself, I have always related more to those who are open, honest and don’t waste time trying to sugar coat things. So that is my goal here, to tell it like it is…the good, the bad and the ugly in hopes that someone will be saved from some of the same mistakes I made. Or at the very least, see that there is hope for everyone even in the worst kind of failures, there is grace & forgiveness.
      I agree that talking about all the aspects of the “don’t do thats” will likely make our kids more receptive to our words of wisdom!
      Thanks for being my friend, for sharing your life with me, and for giving encouragement when this weary momma reaches the end of her rope!

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