I sat down to write this morning and found myself feeling horribly intimidated. With our hectic schedule over the last couple of weeks combined with my allergy-induced fog, I have had very little time, much less ability to focus, in order to write anything worth reading. I finally overcome the time restraint obstacle and get slapped in the face with a new one, fear.
When I am able to write on a consistent basis, I feel confident, not necessarily in myself, but in my connection with the Lord and the ability to discern His voice to what He’d have me to share with you all. After essentially a two week sabbatical from writing, with a post or two tossed in for good measure, my worry is that I have lost that momentum that I once had in doing what I truly feel called to do.
And I am a little freaked.
It scares me to think that I could so easily lose the feeling of intimacy that I have with the Lord. Life is busy, most likely always will be, but too busy to fellowship with my Creator? Yikes.
Driving my kids to school, a Scripture came to mind, seemingly out of nowhere (wink, wink):
“Remain joined to me, and I will remain joined to you. No branch can bear fruit by itself. It must remain joined to the vine. In the same way, you can’t bear fruit unless you remain joined to me.” (John 15:4 NIRV)
I hadn’t forgotten about the Lord during my busy season but I had certainly neglected my time with Him. I believe that is why I felt scared to post today. My lack of communication with God had me feeling fruitless, like I had become separated from Him to the point of losing the gift that He has given me to encourage through writing. I was looking in rather than looking up, failing to remember that my help comes from the Lord. I can’t do this writing thing on my own. It’s by His grace alone that I am able to share my story, combined with His word, in order to lift up the downcast and brokenhearted through the power of a multi-faceted testimony. The very next verse in John 15 goes on to say, “…apart from me, you can do nothing.” Rather than see this as a belittling, you are nothing without me attitude, I see it as a promise that He is always with me and gives me the strength and skills to do things that could never be done within my own ability.