One of my absolute favorite songs right now is “Oceans” by Hillsong. I feel the lyrics adequately sum up my life over the past year.
More so than ever before, I have felt God calling me to do what is out of my comfort zone. Invitations have been accepted to be part of ministries that are growing and taking shape as we go. I’m the gal who likes to know the what, when, why and how of things in advance. So as you might imagine, stepping out into the unknown took great faith on my part. With the New Year now fast approaching, I have found myself floundering a bit and I think this morning I’ve discovered the source of my irritation.
I’ve been trying to figure how to make it all work on my own. It’s not that I stopped seeking God, but I was leaning heavily on my own abilities to plan, organize and multi-task. My mind has been racing with “I need to do this. I need to go there. I need to call so-n-so…” and the list goes on. With all the racket, I was having trouble hearing that still small voice that is always present to offer direction, encouragement and most importantly, peace. I was believing God for guidance, but I wasn’t trusting Him enough to give me what I needed when I needed it. My control-freakedness had put a strategically placed wall between me and my willingness to trust without limitations.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Prov 3:5 ESV)
Not anymore. If called God me to it, He will lead me through it.
I feel certain there will be days when I struggle to find balance. Today is shaping up to be one of those days. I’m pecking this out one-handed, trying to write with a snotty 3-year-old in my ear, a snuggly wee one on my chest and a mind that is screaming over all the things I’d like to accomplish today.
“(I) know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose. .” (Rom 8:28 HCSB)
That’s right. Even in the mundane, everyday life stuff, God is working, giving me grace for the moment. I only need to trust Him without borders.